


Love Live! Livestar!!

by alcyonenight



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, College/University, F/F, High School, Professional Idol Industry, Scars, School Idols (Love Live!), Trans Character, Trans Hoshizora Rin, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25603738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcyonenight/pseuds/alcyonenight
Summary: Vignettes from a new year:After Nico, Eli, and Nozomi graduate, it's time for Alisa and Yukiho to enroll in Otonokizaka High School and start that new school idol unit they've been thinking about. And just like Maki promised, even though μ's has been disbanded, the former first and second years are still going to be school idols too.And none of them are going to let any girl who wants to be a school idol think it's impossible.Meanwhile, Nico enters the professional idol industry, Nozomi begins a non-traditional career of her own, and Eli enters college.
Relationships: Ayase Eli/Toujou Nozomi, Hoshizora Rin/Koizumi Hanayo, Kousaka Honoka/Minami Kotori/Sonoda Umi, Nishikino Maki/Yazawa Nico
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

Saito Asuka fiddled with her hair as she walked up the stairs to the roof. They practiced on the roof, right? This was the direction that Alisa and Yukiho had gone, so it had to be right.

Asuka let go of her hair and patted it carefully into place, right in front of her eye. Then she took a deep breath and pushed the door open. 

There they were.

Technically, they weren’t μ's anymore. But most of them, six out of eight, used to be. They had beaten every group all over the country to become the top school idols. And Alisa and Yukiho had been practicing hard all this time to join them. They were like the brightest lights in the sky.

“Hello,” a friendly voice called. Kosaka Honoka. She broke away from the others, who were stretching, and jogged over to where Asuka stood with the door hanging open.

“H-hi,” Asuka stammered. “I-”

“Do you want to join the School Idol Club?” Honoka asked. “We’re always taking new members-”

“Can I- Do- Doyouneedamanager,” Asuka managed.

“What?” Honoka asked, tilting her head in confusion. By then, the other girls had all stopped what they were doing and were walking up to meet them.

Asuka tried to steady herself. “I just- I wanted to know if- if you need a manager.”

“Don’t you want to be a school idol with us?” Yukiho asked, head tilted slightly to the side. 

“I can’t,” Asuka said, and hoped that would be the end of it.

It wasn’t.

“What do you mean, you can’t?” Honoka asked, looking almost offended. “Any girl can be a school idol if she wants to!”

“Yeah!” another girl--Hoshizora Rin--chimed in. “No matter what!”

“I can’t,” Asuka repeated, voice cracking. “It’s just that I can’t.” She took a step back. Going to the roof had been a mistake. She couldn’t imagine why she had talked herself into it. 

“Why not?” Sonoda Umi chimed in, calmly pushing forward toward the front of the group.

“I-” Asuka realized it would be easier just to show them. It wasn’t like the entire school wasn’t going to find out, just like middle school. She sighed and pulled her hair away from her face.

She heard a soft gasp. 

She couldn’t blame them. The scarring was ugly. In anime, when people had slashes over their eyes, it looked cool and interesting. But really, her scar wasn’t like that at all. It was huge, running from her forehead over her eye almost to her ear. It had puffed up and darkened as it healed, even with the doctor trying to save her from that kind of scarring. And it made it obvious that the eye that sat under her hair was made of glass, with a scar that deep.

“I’m ugly,” Asuka choked out. “I can’t be a school idol because I’m ugly. I’m sorry for interrupting your practice.” She turned, walked one-two-three steps and then ran down the stairs. She pelted down the hallway, weaving around a few students, and hesitated only for a moment before she swerved into the bathroom, where she locked herself into a stall and sobbed. She was so stupid.

After a few minutes, a set of quiet footsteps signaled someone else coming into the bathroom. A gentle, unfamiliar voice said, "Saito-san. I'm Koizumi Hanayo, from the school idol research club. Will you come and hear me out?"

Asuka sighed. But she had already humiliated herself. What more was there to lose? She unlocked the stall door, wiped at her face, and stepped outside.

Hanayo led Asuka to an empty classroom and sat down at a desk, gesturing for Asuka to do the same. For a moment, they sat in a silence that, while uncomfortable, was less uncomfortable than Asuka had imagined.

Then Hanayo spoke up. “Why do you want to be our manager?” she asked. 

Asuka knew she should have expected the question, but she was completely blindsided by it. She fumbled for a response. “Up on stage, μ's always shone so bright. And- and I know I can’t be a school idol, but I just hoped a ray of light would shine on me, too.”

Hanayo hummed. “I’ll admit that your scar really surprised everyone,” she said, and Asuka winced. “But! But we weren’t disgusted, Saito-san. And… we all had difficulties becoming school idols when we formed μ's. My voice was too quiet, half of us were really out of shape, Eli-chan was trying to get rid of our club, Rin-chan… well, I should let her tell you her difficulties, if she wants to. But the point is, even if it's hard, you can shine _with_ us, Saito-san. Do you want to?”

Asuka stared at her. “I don’t know how.”

“Well, that’s something we can help with!” Hanayo said, grinning. “We all had to learn, too.” She offered Asuka a hand. “Will you come with me? You can just try it out.”

“Okay,” Asuka said, and stiffly took Hanayo’s hand, and let her lead her back up the stairs.

Umi paired Asuka up with Yukiho as those with the least experience, but even then Asuka felt like she was lagging behind. Yukiho had been watching μ's perform for months and learning their dances. Asuka had only watched with a secret longing in her heart.

But somehow, it wasn’t so bad.

No one stared at her scar. Careful hands corrected her posture, helped her stretch just a little further. No one laughed at her--actually, she suspected that Yukiho was clowning around a little on purpose to take attention off of her.

Around these kind people, it was easy to forget she didn’t belong here.

It was selfish to stay. If they formed a new idol unit, she would only bring them down.

But when Hanayo asked if she would come back tomorrow, Asuka found herself nodding before she even thought about what to say.


	2. Chapter 2

Nico was exhausted.

Up at 4 AM to prepare for a 6 AM photoshoot to “catch the sunrise.” An hour at the photoshoot, then back home to warm up a quick breakfast for her little siblings and send them off to school. Then back out the door to CYD48 headquarters for dance practice, a ten minute break for lunch, and singing practice through the afternoon. Just enough time to run home, make dinner for the kids, then race to the CYD48 auditorium for the day’s show. Once the show was over and everything was cleaned up, finally, finally going home for the day.

Nico was exhausted, but she was so happy.

She washed off her makeup and flopped onto her bed. She lay there for a few moments, considering going to sleep, when her phone buzzed.

It was Maki. _Are they working you hard?_

Nico smiled. _Not so hard that top idol Nico can’t keep up!_

_I didn’t say you couldn’t!_

There was a brief pause, but before Nico had thought of something to say, Maki continued: _Are you happy?_

Nico started to type _I’ve never been happier_ but stopped and deleted it. She had been happier with μ's than she was now. But still… _I love what I’m doing! Are you really so worried about Nico? <3_

_I miss you._

Maki was being awfully forthcoming tonight. _Are you all right?_

_Can’t I say anything genuine without you picking on me? We promised we’d be as honest as we could with each other!_

_I miss you too._ Nico sighed. _Are you happy?_

There was a worryingly long pause.

_I’m working on it._

_Nico Nico Nii~! Smile for me, Maki-chan!_ Then Nico continued. _Are you smiling?_

_Yes._

_Remember that feeling next time you’re feeling blue, okay?_

_Okay. Thank you. I’ve got homework to do, so I guess this is goodnight. <3 Sleep well, Nico-chan._

_Don’t stay up too late, Maki._

Nico took her own advice. She set her cell phone gently on the nightstand, slipped into her pajamas, and crawled into bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Alisa stared down at her notebook. It was hard to develop choreography when you weren’t even sure how many people would be dancing to it.

Well, to be fair, that was only a small part of the problem. Umi just gave a new set of lyrics to Maki that morning, so it wasn’t as if Alisa had music to choreograph yet. But she was still trying to think of ideas, and it changed things. Eight, or nine?

It wasn’t Asuka’s fault. Alisa would be just as uncertain about being a school idol if she was in Asuka’s shoes. But she couldn’t deny that it would _help_ to have an answer.

A nasty little voice whispered in the back of her mind: _Eli wouldn’t have this problem._

Alisa swallowed.

Eli had struggled with ballet, but everyone agreed that she was a talented choreographer, at least when it came to school idols. Alisa, on the other hand, had been relatively successful at ballet until she quit to be a school idol.

Was she going to be the opposite of her sister, a talented dancer and a terrible choreographer? Could she really design a whole new dance?

Umi said the song was about celebrating something new. Maki said she planned to give it a little bit of a jazzy feel, something she hadn’t really done for a school idol song before. So Alisa had to come up with something new, too.

She’d said she’d do the choreography. She’d _said._

“You should wait until we have the song worked out,” someone said. Alisa jumped in her seat and looked up at Yukiho. “Then we’ll know everyone’s parts, and you can give people the cool moves while they’re singing their lines.”

“I gotta come up with the cool moves,” Alisa said.

“Maybe something… like this!” Yukiho said, and twirled in place, flailing her arms over her head.

Alisa couldn’t help but giggle. “Maybe not quite like that,” she said.

Yukiho smiled broadly, then turned to look around the room. Alisa followed her line of sight: Asuka.

“It’s time for practice!” Yukiho called.

Asuka turned to look at them, hair dangling over her face. Surprisingly, she smiled shyly at them as she packed her school supplies back into her bag.

Nine, maybe?

Alisa hoped so.


	4. Chapter 4

Nozomi set out tea on the table as Eli began the now-familiar argument again.

“I keep telling you, you’re smarter than this,” Eli said, flipping her notebook to a fresh page. “You could get in anywhere you want if you took this year to study. You could’ve got in almost anywhere if you’d picked some entrance exams to take before graduation. I don’t understand, Nozomi.”

Nozomi sighed and sipped at her tea. “Not all of us have parents paying for all our expenses, Elicchi. We’ve been over this.”

“And I don’t think that’s why,” Eli replied. “You can get scholarships that pay for that kind of thing. You’re so smart, Nozomi-chan! You’re better than anyone else I know at English, and you did so well on all your exams. What is it really?”

Nozomi shook her head. “You just don’t understand,” she said. She took another sip of tea. “It’s not as easy as that.”

Eli scowled. “You think that I don’t know things can be hard?” She set down her pen. “You know what people said about me. A foreigner.”

Nozomi sighed. “Elicchi, please just accept that this is what I want to do right now. Please.”

Eli looked like she wanted to keep fighting, but she sighed instead and picked up her cup of tea. “Please be careful, Nozomi-chan. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Of course I’m careful, Elicchi,” Nozomi said, and smiled. “I have someone to come home to, after all.” She finished her tea in a single gulp. “I need to go if I’m going to get a good spot. Good luck with your studies.”

“Good luck to you, too,” Eli said, expression a little strange for a moment before settling on a smile.

Nozomi had to admit, if only to herself, that she was relieved to see it. She checked to make sure that everything she’d need was in her purse--it was, of course--and walked to the door to put her shoes on. “I’ll be back!” she called, and then walked out of the apartment and down the street.

The truth, Nozomi mused, was that she didn’t know what she wanted to do. She had everything she’d ever dreamed of. True friends, someone dear to her heart to live with, her own income so she didn’t have to rely on family who only cared about her in the abstract. How would it be possible to want anything else?

Eli was right: this wasn’t something that she could do forever. But for now, the cards said that it was all right to stop and think.

So at 10 AM, Nozomi made her way to a street in Akibahara, a space between two storefronts. As usual, no one had disturbed her setup: the tiny table and two folding chairs still sat in place. She pulled her little plastic sign out of her purse first, setting it in place facing the street.

_Fortune Consultations: ¥1000 for Ten Minutes._

Then, Nozomi pulled out her tarot cards, and waited for the business workers to take their lunch break.


	5. Chapter 5

The best and worst thing about Honoka, Umi reflected, was that she really didn’t think any obstacle could stop her. _Anything_ standing between her and her goal was either completely irrelevant or could be conquered by sheer force of will. It was endearing, and it made Umi feel powerful sometimes, like she really _could_ get through anything just by trying hard enough.

But right now, it was a little harder to adopt Honoka’s outlook.

“It’ll be just like a normal couple, except there will be three of us!” Honoka said. “I’m not going to choose. I love both of you the same. I always have.”

Kotori looked at Umi, expression just as uneasy as Umi felt. “I don’t know if it can work that way, Honoka-chan,” she said. 

“It can if we want it to,” Honoka insisted. 

Umi didn’t want to crush Honoka, but she wasn’t sure that the other girl really grasped what she was suggesting. “No one else is going to understand it, Honoka-chan,” she said. “Not our families. Maybe not even our friends. Definitely not society at large. This won’t be like becoming a school idol, where most people think what we’re doing is fun, or at least harmless. If people know, then they’ll be against it.”

“I’ll be going to Paris to study fashion after we graduate,” Kotori reminded them. “It’s okay if you and Umi… get together without me. It would be easier that way.”

Honoka reached out, taking Umi’s hand in one hand and Kotori’s in the other. “It’s always been all three of us,” she said. “Even if no one understands and we can’t all get married and stuff. Even if Kotori goes to Paris. It has to be the three of us.”

It was the best and worst thing about Honoka, this certainty.

Kotori looked at Umi again, hope and fear muddled into a single, intense expression.

Umi squeezed Honoka’s hand gently. “I need to think about this,” she said, slowly. “I need time to think.”

“That’s okay,” Honoka said, clearly with absolute faith that Umi would come to the conclusion she was hoping for. “Take all the time you need.”


	6. Chapter 6

Asuka smiled as Rin flawlessly executed a twirl on one foot, watching her sunny-colored skirts flutter around her.

“Do you like my outfit?” Rin asked, noticing what Asuka was eyeing. Somehow, her voice had a slight edge to it.

“It’s really cute,” Asuka replied, shying away a little.

Rin relaxed into a more natural smile. “You know, you could wear something cute too,” she said. “You don’t have to wear your gym uniform every day.”

Asuka froze. She’d been coming every day for a week now, hadn’t she?

“Unless- unless you want to!” Rin added. “It’s fine if you want to.”

Asuka’s heart pounded. She felt almost dizzy. They were already assuming she had joined them. She hadn’t given them any indication to the contrary. She wanted to join them. She wanted to join them and wear cute workout clothes like Rin. But she shouldn’t. It was bad enough that she was still here-

A hand rested gently on Asuka’s shoulder. It was on her bad side, so she had to turn a little to see: Kotori. “Asuka-chan,” the other girl said in her soft, comforting voice. “Take a deep breath. You’re with friends here.”

“Friends?” Asuka asked, voice trembling.

“Friends,” Kotori said firmly. 

Asuka looked down at her feet. “I can’t do this,” she said. “I’ll ruin everything.”

Rin shook her head and stepped forward, taking one of Asuka’s hands. “Any girl, no matter what, can be a school idol,” she said. “It’s hard work, but you’ve already been doing that. If you want to be a school idol, then we’ll help you.”

“I’ll make you look bad,” Asuka said. “I don’t know anything about dancing or singing, and I’m ugly, and-”

“I know it’s scary,” Hanayo said. “But you can do it. It’s never as bad as you imagine it’s going to be.” She smiled.

All of these girls were so, so gentle with her, Asuka realized. Like they really wanted her to stay.

“I know, I know!” Yukiho piped up. “Alisa and I don’t have cute workout clothes either!” It was true. The other first-years were also in their gym uniforms. “Let’s go shopping together to pick something out!”

“Yeah!” Alisa said. “Let’s go! First-year shopping trip!”

And before Asuka quite had a handle on what she was getting into, she was in her normal school uniform again, Yukiho was on one side of her and Alisa was on the other, and they were walking down the sidewalk into Akibahara.

Asuka spent the next two hours in wave after wave of anxiety, but on the few occasions that she surfaced, she actually had a lot of fun. She helped Alisa pick out a pink leotard and striped purple leggings. Yukiho seemed to know exactly what she wanted when she saw it: a pastel green short-sleeved hoodie and black sweatpants. 

Then it was Asuka’s turn, and she stood in the store, staring blankly at the shelves. She hadn’t thought about what she wanted to wear in a long time. Maybe even before the accident.

“Hey, I know,” Alisa said, tugging Asuka over to a display. She held up a short forest green dress in light, breathable cotton. “Is this your size? I think it would look good on you.”

Asuka instinctively reached forward to take the dress. It was soft under her fingertips. 

She could wear this, and learn to dance.

“How about you try it on?” Yukiho asked, all practicality.

Asuka shook in the dressing room, shook for a solid minute before she could even start to change clothes. But once she got the dress on--once she finally looked in the mirror--she felt something click into place.

She wanted to be the kind of girl who could dance in this dress.

She bought it.


	7. Chapter 7

Maki spent a moment looking at the piles of paperwork on her desk before turning to her piano instead. She needed to do more composing for this new school idol group, and it was better to do the noisy work earlier in the evening, right?

And hey, maybe Nico would have time to call.

Maki’s fingers drifted over the keyboard. She played _Start Dash_ as a warm-up because it always made her feel nostalgic, and then… 

And then, nothing. She pressed chords in sequence, scowled. Didn’t sound right. Ran through another few chords. That was just _No Brand Girls_. She pounded out the first few bars of _Yume no Tobira_ with frustration, then slammed the piano closed.

She might as well face the paperwork, then.

Maki had to pick a university, and a few backups. That meant that she needed to compare their medicine programs and specialties, which meant that she should narrow down what specialties _she_ wanted to pursue. But her parents said that she needed to pick which entrance exams she was going to take this year so that they could put her in the right cram school… 

It all seemed so far away. She was making all these decisions that could alter the entire course of her future--but what did she know about any of this? 

Maki sighed. She had decided the previous day that she didn’t want to work in pediatrics, but now she was questioning even that: did she really not want to work with kids, or was that just _being_ a kid talking? 

So Maki bent down over the brochures on her desk. Her father was a cardiologist, and that seemed okay, but she definitely wanted to do something different. Oncology, maybe? Papa would love that, and it was an expanding field. Psychiatry wasn’t her style, but neurology might be interesting… 

Maybe she could just pick Tokyo University as her first choice. She’d be able to stay in town, visit Nico sometimes when their schedules aligned. It fed into a lot of the best training hospitals and she could punt this choice down the road.

Papa would ask why she picked it, though, so she had better come up with a good reason. She couldn't just say she wanted to go so she could hang out with her girlfriend.

Maki flipped through the pages again, and hoped that Nico called.


	8. Chapter 8

Yukiho was frequently reminded that she didn’t know how to run a school idol unit.

“We need a name,” Honoka said, leaning forward into a stretch. “Should we do another contest?”

“You only got one entry in that contest,” Umi pointed out. “And Nozomi told me it was her.” With a hint of elegance that Yukiho envied, she reached down and touched her toes, then turned her head. “Yukiho? Alisa? Did you have an idea?”

Yukiho shook her head. “I mean, we could just call ourselves the Otonokizaka High School Idol Club, I saw a few groups that had names like that in the Love Live rankings, but that seems kind of boring.”

“Otonokizaka Nonetto?” Maki suggested.

“Nonetto?” Yukiho sounded out the unfamiliar word.

“A musical group of nine performers,” Maki explained.

“We don’t know how many of us there are going to be yet,” Kotori said. “More girls might join us.” Or Asuka might have too big of a panic attack one day and quit, but Kotori had too much tact to say that.

“Little Diamond…” Alisa proposed tentatively, then quickly said, “No, I don’t like it.”

“Livestar,” Hanayo said. While her voice was soft, she still said it firmly.

“I like it,” Rin said, though Rin would probably like anything that Hanayo proposed.

“Livestar,” Honoka repeated. “I like it too.”

“All in favor of Livestar?” Alisa called.

Somehow, the vote was unanimously in favor.

And Yukiho had barely contributed at all.

She was really going to have to step up, somehow, wasn’t she? Show some leadership. Alisa at least had her choreography to contribute, but Yukiho didn’t have anything like that. And Honoka was the one to realize they were missing something vital. Yukiho hadn’t even thought about it.

Yukiho sighed and pulled her arm into a stretch. She’d just have to do better.


	9. Chapter 9

Kotori usually did this sort of thing by machine, but today, with everything on her mind, she needed to spend some time sewing by hand. Honoka and her desperate desire for a polyamorous relationship? Complicated. Design work to prepare for their first release as Livestar? Difficult, especially since all of it would fall under the watchful eye of her future professors in Paris. But this, this little personal favor for Rin, was simple.

Rin had grown over the break and needed to move up a size in her uniform, and she felt more confident with a little petticoat pushing her skirt out. So Kotori was making her a few slips in the next size up to wear under her skirt, with a stiff layer of tulle guaranteeing a smooth front. Even by hand, it was a quick process.

Kotori was proud that Rin had chosen her to confide in, even if Rin had eventually come to tell her story to all of μ's. And she was even more proud that she had been able to help. It just showed the power of fashion, that a few pieces of fabric could make someone feel comfortable and safe.

Kotori slipped a pin from the fabric into her flower-petal pincushion. She wondered if there was anything she could make that would make Asuka feel more comfortable. She’d thought about making a mask of some kind, to cover the scarred part of Asuka’s face, but then she thought that maybe Asuka would think she was being told it was ugly and to hide it. That would just make her more skittish.

As if thinking about Asuka had summoned her, the shy first-year slipped into the clubroom. She was still wearing her school uniform, but Kotori was too; practice was starting late this afternoon because Honoka had something to manage for the student council.

Asuka smiled bashfully and sat across from Kotori. “What are you making?” she asked.

“A slip to wear under a skirt,” Kotori replied.

Asuka nodded. “You’re doing it by hand,” she said. “Is it complicated?”

“No,” Kotori said. “I just wanted to relax.”

“Oh,” Asuka said. “I can leave you to it, if you’d rather work alone.”

Kotori shook her head. “No, no, I don’t mind. If I wanted to be alone I would be somewhere private.” She smiled and hoped it was welcoming.

Asuka put her bag down and leaned forward. “I don’t know that stitch,” she remarked. 

“It’s a blind stitch,” Kotori said. “You use it when you need the hem to look good from both sides. It’s not really necessary for this. I’m just practicing.” She paused a moment and looked up. “Do you sew, Asuka-chan?”

“Some,” Asuka said. “I, uh. I used to cosplay before the car accident. I didn’t do anything really complicated though! Not like, magical girls or anything.” She blushed a little. “The most complicated one I did was the costume for Start Dash, the ones you posted on the website, right? I picked the blue one.”

“Umi’s outfit,” Kotori said. “That’s a good beginner’s piece. I learned a lot from making it.” She set the slip aside and looked over at Asuka. “Would you like to learn more about sewing?”

Asuka hesitated, but then she smiled a little. “Okay,” she said. “That sounds… nice.”

“Come sit next to me,” Kotori said. “I’ll show you what I’m doing.”


End file.
